Tuesday, September 4, 2012

Starting the journey

That fateful day when I took the test...I didn't know what was in store. My hubby bought a pregnancy test kkit from the chemist the night before. My monthly periods were overdue and I had an eerie feeling that "This  is it!". I don't know how I got this premonition, but it was there.

We had been trying to conceive for four months now, but without luck. I didn't know that even conceiving could be so tricky. We both were young and healthy. We had been happily married for four years and without any undue stress.Both of us were working and had a good work-life balance.We were fortunate to have a good family support system too.

I had pondered over our decision to conceive for long. After our second marriage anniversary I had decided to give myself one more year to enjoy my freedom before taking the plunge. Though I must admit it was a hard decision. I was not very clear about why I want a baby and how my life will change after that. May be it was a mixture of social conditioning, age issues and maternal instincts that led me towards it.

Most interesting was the day when I decided to go for it. We were holidaying in Thailand's Krabi beach on our third anniversary. Krabi is a very beautiful and green beach. I was really enjoying my time there. We came upon Thai massage shops in the market near the beach and though of trying it out, famous as they are. We opted for Thai dry massage. It lasted an hour with the oriental background music and elegant ladies as masseuse. I felt truly soothed and relaxed by the end of it. I was so much charged and blissful that I had the guts to have protection free communion that night, on a spur. I also had a purpose, to start our efforts to conceive.

We continued for some more weeks and I expected that I would conceive for sure. But I was dismayed to see my regular periods appear. This trying and waiting stressed us out for next three months at which point I decided not to wait anymore and keep doing it.

Back to the pregnancy test again..As I watched the two lines appear on the small white strip I just stared in disbelief. I didn't know how to react. I had wanted it for long. But now I had it, and I didn't become happy. Instead I just crept back to my bed slowly and tried not to let my husband know about it. But he was wide awake and somehow guessed that I had woken up to take the test. Obviously I blurted out the news and he was so happy! I was in tears on the other hand. We were both surprised at the tears and I knew they were not tears of joy. I was crying out of shock and fear. At that moment he put my fears to rest when he said he will support me in this journey and everything will be alright! This commenced the start of our parenthood. We were both hopeful that we will come out with flying colors with our love and companionship.

No comments:

Post a Comment